Laura x Livewire

I’m feeling rather fearless today :)

I made a promise to myself a long time ago. That I would try to be beautiful, inside and out. I would maintain and improve my intelligence. I would carry myself with class and dignity. I would treat others with respect. And I wouldn’t put up with anything less in return.

At some point I lost sight of that. I let feelings and attachments cloud my judgement. I let them not only get the best of me, but also bring out the worst in me. All the while convincing myself it was worth it.

Im having to question if it really is. There are some people I wanna save, protect, love and do anything for. But somewhere along the way I compromised too much. I can’t let love for others make me lose myself. I can’t let it turn me into something ugly.

Our idea of love these days is so twisted. Whatever happened to; “love is patient, love is kind. It always protects, it always trusts. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love never fears. Love never fails.” and all the other qualities. You don’t see that these days.

I just have some decisions to make. Take a hard look at things and decide where to draw the line. It’s not an issue of selfishness. It’s an issue of self preservation at this point. I know who I am, and what I wanna be. I can’t keep hanging on to what only pulls me in the wrong direction…

Regrets :(

I don’t fear the zombie apocalypse because I’m already surrounded by shuffling mindless gluttonous cannibals. It would just give me an excuse to break out the rifles and do something about it. :)

I stayed up all night last night which was a mistake because the night before I only slept an hour so I’m basically doing three days no sleeps I should be used to it but I feel like my heart may esplode. My resting heart rare is always about 130 but I’m sittin still and it’s going about 200 Bpm this couldn’t be good damnit insomnia leave me the hell alone. Lack of sleep can take a normal person and make them look like a crackhead I just had a one way conversation with these two birds in my yard cause one was bullying the other. I’m not sure what possessed me to start telling it out loud to leave the other bird alone but damnit if I don’t have a long date with my bed soon my body may rage quit my life baha T_T 0.0

In fields where nothing grew but leaves, I found a flower at my feet. Bending there in my direction.

I wrapped a hand around its stem, and pulled until the roots gave in, finding there what I’ve been missing.

So I tell myself its home. There’s a point we pass from which we can’t return. I feel the rumbling of the coming storm.

All because of you, I haven’t slept in so long. When I do I dream, of drowning in the ocean. Longing for the shore, where I can lay my head down. I’ll follow your voice, all you have to do is shout it out.

Inside my hands these petals browned and started falling to the ground. But it was already too late now.

I reached my fingers through the earth and flung this flower to the dirt. So it could live, I walked away now. But I know…

That not a day goes by where I don’t feel this hole. There’s a point we pass from which we can’t return. I feel the rumbling of the coming storm.

All because of you, I haven’t slept in so long. When I do I dream, of drowning in the ocean. Longing for the shore, where Ican lay my head down; inside these arms of yours.

And all because of you, I believe in Angels. Not the kind with wings. No, not the kind with halos. The kind that lead you home, when home becomes a strange place. I’ll follow your voice, all you have to do is shout it out.

I’ve got another confession to make. I’m a fool. Everyone’s got their chains to break, holding you. We’re you born to resist, or be abused? Is someone getting the best of you? Or are you gone and on to someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head, without your noose. You gave me something that I didn’t have, but had no use. I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose. My heart is under arrest again, but I break loose.

My head is giving me life or death, but I can’t choose. I swear I’ll never give in. I refuse. Is someone getting the best of you?

Is someone getting the best of you? Has someone taken the best? It’s real, the pain you feel. You trust, you must, confess. Is someone getting the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your pain? It’s real, the pain you feel. The life, the love you’d die to heal. Your hope, it’s hard, your broken heart. Just trust. You must confess. Is someone getting the best of you?

I’ve got another confession my friend. I’m no fool. I’m getting tired of starting again, somewhere new. We’re you born to resist, or be abused? I swear I’ll never give in. I refuse.

Is someone getting the best of you?

I don’t wanna let you down. I wish I could just keep you at my side at all times to protect you as well as you do me. I hate feeling helpless and seeing you in pain. Haven’t been there like I said I would. Life gets in the way. Not an excuse. There’s really no excuse for how I’ve been. And I’m sorry. You may feel far away but I’m still here.

When you feel like you don’t have enough strength to fight for yourself, I’ll be there with strength enough for the both of us. You’ve protected me, so I’ll fight for you. Even when you don’t wanna fight for yourself. You’re worth more than you’ll ever know. More than i know how to put into words. And the world would be a hell of a lot darker without you.

The bottom line is you mean so much to me. When you run out of strength on your own, i’ll be there. You can sit back and let me fight your monsters away.

Big talk for someone who hasn’t been there as much as I should be. But I’m trying to show you better. You may feel like your fading but I won’t let you slip through the cracks.

<3